How do you know when you are getting old?
When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks you're fucked!

What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
Push it aside and keep on eating!

What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck.

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use some lubricant.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
You just marry her!

Funny as hell don't you think?